Going...Going...

Zach is packing up his things. He will be gone by Friday night/Saturday morning. I should be glad he's going...he's throwing a fit about two missing pillowcases. But I'd rather have HIM here, and ANGRY, then nobody at all. I think that's kind of sad. I haven't know anything else for two and a half years. It's not like I'm the first person in the world to go through a break up. This year has just been so hard. The miscarriage. Zach. Now I might be losing my job.

The urge to pack up and take off is SO strong, but I can't afford to do that (especially now). This year is testing me, and I'm at my wit's end. Somebody, help me.

I'm so angry. Zach and I are finally over. He's moving out this week. We've been offically single for the last two weeks. He is already seeing someone else. While I don't want to be with him, I'm incredibly hurt that the last two and a half years meant basically nothing to him. They weren't the best two years, but we went through a lot together. Now the only person who was there EVERYDAY and know knew EVERYTHING, is abandoning me. Maybe these feelings are irrational. After all, it really is better off that I'm not with him. He has so many personal issues to work through. I can't seem to get rid of this burning in my stomach and chest, no matter what I do. Only time is going to fix anything, but I feel so impatient. I forgot how bad this feeling was.

I don't know if I would feel as bad if I had people in the area. My nearest relative is Steph, and she's two hours away. My best friend has her own life and problems. I can't blame her for not being here. Everything is falling apart, but it has to happen so that it can come back together, the right way. I just hope I can ride it out.